i sometimes wonder how my life would be different if my dad were still around... would his presence have been more of a stabilizing force? i miss him a lot, and i can't help but think things might have been better if i had someone to talk to about job choices, potential boyfriends, big life changes...
not that my mom isn't great, because she is. but we're so different, and we don't really understand each other...which makes it easier to just not really tell her anything than to have to answer all her questions and explain myself.
or maybe i just think my dad would have given me some boundaries, more direction... so i wouldn't have just quit my job and taken off to another country or moved to another state where i would have to start all over. maybe i just needed someone to say put his foot down and not put up with my b.s. rationale of having to experience my own mistakes to better learn.
what if? what if? what if?
