maybe it's because i'm currently working at a bookstore (which i've enjoyed much more than i thought i would, given that working retail during the holiday season can be pretty grueling), but i've had the chance to catch up on my reading, getting recs from co-workers and seeing what's new on the shelves. okay, maybe dorky but i love it!!
and i came across this great poem in "march" (by geraldine brooks, written from the perspective of the dad in "little women"), which really resonated with me, although please don't think i'm having morbid thoughts or anything! just think it's kind of profound in a simple sort of way and expresses how i feel sometimes:
I am no longer eager, bold & strong.
All that is past;
I am ready not to do
At last, at last,
My half day's work is done,
And this is all my part.
I give a patient God
My patient heart.
kind of about trying to find my place or figuring out my life but not having the energy to think about it anymore... reasons why i also really love dido's "life for rent," all about viewing life as a temporary gift and realizing that if i don't put down roots, can't blame anyone but myself.
wow, think this is enough introspection for one night (am writing in taiwan), but some good thoughts with which to ring in the new year! am looking forward to 2007 and hopefully some welcome changes or at least some signs to point me in the right direction... :)
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, May 4, 2006
reflections
i sometimes wonder how my life would be different if my dad were still around... would his presence have been more of a stabilizing force? i miss him a lot, and i can't help but think things might have been better if i had someone to talk to about job choices, potential boyfriends, big life changes...
not that my mom isn't great, because she is. but we're so different, and we don't really understand each other...which makes it easier to just not really tell her anything than to have to answer all her questions and explain myself.
or maybe i just think my dad would have given me some boundaries, more direction... so i wouldn't have just quit my job and taken off to another country or moved to another state where i would have to start all over. maybe i just needed someone to say put his foot down and not put up with my b.s. rationale of having to experience my own mistakes to better learn.
what if? what if? what if?
not that my mom isn't great, because she is. but we're so different, and we don't really understand each other...which makes it easier to just not really tell her anything than to have to answer all her questions and explain myself.
or maybe i just think my dad would have given me some boundaries, more direction... so i wouldn't have just quit my job and taken off to another country or moved to another state where i would have to start all over. maybe i just needed someone to say put his foot down and not put up with my b.s. rationale of having to experience my own mistakes to better learn.
what if? what if? what if?
Sunday, February 26, 2006
new experiences...
well, i've been on the job for almost a month now, craziness! it's been kind of a steep learning curve, getting used to a new office, lots of different personalities, and doing a job that i haven't had a ton of experience with... still, i've been having fun so far and have really enjoyed knowing more about the film festival industry, getting to know austin better, and having more exposure to business development and corporate marketing/promotions as i seek out sponsorships from a variety of companies!
so what else has been going on?! sadly not much... i work quite a bit and now really really look forward to my weekends! i haven't been working long enough to be jaded yet, but getting up when it's still dark outside has definitely taken some getting used to!! that part hasn't been so fun... so try to take it easy when i have some time on my hands. still, work has helped my social life so can't complain too much... have a few events coming up that should be pretty cool: oscar party, a few receptions here and there, plus the opportunity to check out the competition at sxsw! i'm excited to experience it all, since i've heard so much about it, and i'm sad i'll be leaving in the middle of it to head back to nc...
highlight of the month has been sabina coming to visit, which was fun! it's always nice to connect with old friends and show them around austin since it's such a fun, low-key, chilled-out place. think she prefers the big cities, but at least we got to eat a lot of good tex-mex and bbq!!
so i'm basically staying put these days and dreaming about my next big trip whenever i make enough money to take off again!!
so what else has been going on?! sadly not much... i work quite a bit and now really really look forward to my weekends! i haven't been working long enough to be jaded yet, but getting up when it's still dark outside has definitely taken some getting used to!! that part hasn't been so fun... so try to take it easy when i have some time on my hands. still, work has helped my social life so can't complain too much... have a few events coming up that should be pretty cool: oscar party, a few receptions here and there, plus the opportunity to check out the competition at sxsw! i'm excited to experience it all, since i've heard so much about it, and i'm sad i'll be leaving in the middle of it to head back to nc...
highlight of the month has been sabina coming to visit, which was fun! it's always nice to connect with old friends and show them around austin since it's such a fun, low-key, chilled-out place. think she prefers the big cities, but at least we got to eat a lot of good tex-mex and bbq!!
so i'm basically staying put these days and dreaming about my next big trip whenever i make enough money to take off again!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
happy new year!
so it's been a little while since i updated this thing, mainly because i haven't had a picture to post with this new entry!! but figured i'd just broadcast what's been going on the past few months and then stick a picture in here whenever i get around to taking/finding one...
so for those of you i've horribly neglected over the fall (i'm so sorry!!), i actually took the plunge and moved to austin back in november, a few weeks before thanksgiving. i figured it was as good a place to be as any other, and since i seem to have a need for instability in my life, why not get used to a brand new place?! of course, i've been here quite a few times over the past two years, but it's still taking a little time to adjust to living in TEXAS, particularly given that i never thought i'd leave the east coast. how some things change....
since i've been here, i've been working on the job search and trying to focus on what direction i'd like my career (haha) to take... so far a sampling of jobs that interest me range from marketing and pr to event planning to research and advocacy...all of which means, in a nutshell, that i still don't know what i want to do. but it's okay, because at least i know WHERE i want to be for the moment, and austin is a fun place to figure out all these important life-changing issues. at least i won't lack for live music or a cool bar scene during my search!
in all seriousness though, if it hadn't been for the holidays and lots of people giving me pep talks every once in a while, i probably would've slid into mild depression, considering the number of resumes i've sent out compared to the responses i've received (like 100:1). job searching can be so frustrating and definitely takes a toll on the self-esteem. i'm hoping now that people are back at work from christmas and new year, hr responses will pick up and i'll be flooded with calls and emails for interviews!
in the meantime, i've been trying to keep myself busy in between looking for jobs: working part-time with mark and his dad at pioneer cycling tours and pioneer golf, volunteering at ten thousand villages (an awesome non-profit fair trade store with the mission to assist artisans in third world countries), and reading a lot (takes me back to my high school days!).
thanksgiving was a lot of fun, and mark's mom is a super cook who does amazing things with sweet potatoes, squash, stuffing, and turkey... i was fortunate enough to sample her dishes three times over the past two months!! christmas was very relaxing and peaceful, with mark's brother stephen making a trip back to austin from vietnam, and i got to meet him for the very first time on christmas eve! a few days later, my sister flew into town to hang out for a few days, which was really good for me, not being able to spend the holidays with my own family this year. she and i had a great time driving all over town (helped me figure out my way around better!), shopping, eating, and watching movies (although she usually fell asleep about 10 minutes into them). it was nice to be able to share my new life with her, and i'm so glad we got to spend some precious time together.... gets harder and harder the older we get, so i'm learning to appreciate these few moments we have!
as soon as gloria left, mark's cousins from england and scotland landed here, so we spent the week between christmas and new year's with them, touring around austin: texas state museum, zilker park, 6th street, ut campus, etc. and of course, they were here for the big national championship rose bowl game...which texas won!!!! was a very exciting week, beginning with new year's eve on 6th street and wrapping up with a historic national title for the longhorns! lots of bbq, beautiful warm weather, lounging about on lake austin, playing with the dogs, and just general relaxing before returning to the real world...what more could we ask for?!
so that's the news for now... i'll post some pics of my new place hopefully soon, so stay tuned... which reminds me, must get my camera fixed! here's wishing you all a happy and healthy 2006!
so for those of you i've horribly neglected over the fall (i'm so sorry!!), i actually took the plunge and moved to austin back in november, a few weeks before thanksgiving. i figured it was as good a place to be as any other, and since i seem to have a need for instability in my life, why not get used to a brand new place?! of course, i've been here quite a few times over the past two years, but it's still taking a little time to adjust to living in TEXAS, particularly given that i never thought i'd leave the east coast. how some things change....
since i've been here, i've been working on the job search and trying to focus on what direction i'd like my career (haha) to take... so far a sampling of jobs that interest me range from marketing and pr to event planning to research and advocacy...all of which means, in a nutshell, that i still don't know what i want to do. but it's okay, because at least i know WHERE i want to be for the moment, and austin is a fun place to figure out all these important life-changing issues. at least i won't lack for live music or a cool bar scene during my search!
in all seriousness though, if it hadn't been for the holidays and lots of people giving me pep talks every once in a while, i probably would've slid into mild depression, considering the number of resumes i've sent out compared to the responses i've received (like 100:1). job searching can be so frustrating and definitely takes a toll on the self-esteem. i'm hoping now that people are back at work from christmas and new year, hr responses will pick up and i'll be flooded with calls and emails for interviews!
in the meantime, i've been trying to keep myself busy in between looking for jobs: working part-time with mark and his dad at pioneer cycling tours and pioneer golf, volunteering at ten thousand villages (an awesome non-profit fair trade store with the mission to assist artisans in third world countries), and reading a lot (takes me back to my high school days!).
thanksgiving was a lot of fun, and mark's mom is a super cook who does amazing things with sweet potatoes, squash, stuffing, and turkey... i was fortunate enough to sample her dishes three times over the past two months!! christmas was very relaxing and peaceful, with mark's brother stephen making a trip back to austin from vietnam, and i got to meet him for the very first time on christmas eve! a few days later, my sister flew into town to hang out for a few days, which was really good for me, not being able to spend the holidays with my own family this year. she and i had a great time driving all over town (helped me figure out my way around better!), shopping, eating, and watching movies (although she usually fell asleep about 10 minutes into them). it was nice to be able to share my new life with her, and i'm so glad we got to spend some precious time together.... gets harder and harder the older we get, so i'm learning to appreciate these few moments we have!
as soon as gloria left, mark's cousins from england and scotland landed here, so we spent the week between christmas and new year's with them, touring around austin: texas state museum, zilker park, 6th street, ut campus, etc. and of course, they were here for the big national championship rose bowl game...which texas won!!!! was a very exciting week, beginning with new year's eve on 6th street and wrapping up with a historic national title for the longhorns! lots of bbq, beautiful warm weather, lounging about on lake austin, playing with the dogs, and just general relaxing before returning to the real world...what more could we ask for?!
so that's the news for now... i'll post some pics of my new place hopefully soon, so stay tuned... which reminds me, must get my camera fixed! here's wishing you all a happy and healthy 2006!
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